AZRD B-Team 153, EPRD Tex Pistols 131

The law got the best of the outlaws on Saturday as Arizona Roller Derby’s composite B-Team defeated the El Paso Roller Derby Tex Pistols, 153-131.

The military-themed B-Team was anything but fatigued in the first half, roaring out on a 40-9 run to start the bout, and they had more than doubled the Tex Pistols’ score at halftime. AZRD controlled the pace of the bout by earning lead jammer status three-quarters of the time and not giving El Paso any power jams.

The B-Team relied on a defensive strategy of knocking the opposing jammer out of bounds and recycling her as far back in the pack as they could. Having strong jammers in Can Of Whoop Ass, R2DEATH2 and Dee Troit meant blockers like Admiral Smackbar, Feminine Hyjinx, Stryker Dead and Kitch Slap could focus on keeping the Tex Pistols’ jammers at bay.

The second half was a different story. Despite playing a team from Texas, the B-Team found themselves facing some of the best talent in Arizona in pick-up players Bev Rage, Pick Onia Pie and Zippy’s Takeout from Tucson Roller Derby.

Secret Asian Slam and Pick Onia Pie began to rack up points while B-Team members sat in the penalty box, and a 22-point power jam brought the Tex Pistols back within a point midway through the half.

But like good soldiers the B-Team jumped right back into formation. The defense of Machine Gun Meanie, Crystal Clean-Up, Howlin’ Mad Murdock and General Lee — who had her own cheering section in General Lee’s Army — held the El Paso jammer back for two whole laps while the star-wearing Blok’n Her Privates racked up 13 points to safely regain the lead.

A jammer penalty on the final jam killed any hope of a last-minute comeback for El Paso. The Tex Pistols racked up 82 points to the B-Team’s 63, but it still wasn’t enough to overcome what had been a 41-point halftime deficit.

Secret Asian Slam had a bout-high 54 points, while Pick Onia Pie had 40 and Malibully Barbie had 17 for the Tex Pistols. AZRD was led by Can Of Whoop Ass, whose fancy footwork led to 48 points. R2DEATH2 had 37 and Dee Troit had 33.

The play of the night was a chain reaction late in the first half, when R2DEATH2 made a hard hit on Tex Pistols jammer Pick Onia Pie, then Zippy’s Takeout took out R2, then Blok’n Her Privates laid a block on Zippy.

And in true derby style, El Paso still got a win Saturday night with a decisive victory in the afterparty.

—PulHitzHer Prize

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